"I get a Gold Star"

Level up on Life

If you are any younger than I, you missed the "big moment", any older and you'd be criticized for playing a game for kids.

I was about 12 years old when my dad, always the innovator with gadgets, brought home one of the first home video games. I'm talking about Pong. Pong: you know, a white rectangle on each end of the screen that moved vertically, always at the back (no charging the net in this game) and a white circle which represented the "pong." One rectangle would bat the pong across the screen and the other rectangle had to be moved into position to bat it back. You had a wheel that moved the rectangle on a game console which was connected to the auxiliary line of the TV.

That's it. That was the game. And for that we stayed up until 1 am the night Dad brought it home? ABSOLUTELY! I mean, come on! It was a home video game. We knew there were things called arcades where some of the old pinball machines were getting shoved out of the way for the new electric-based games, but my childhood was spent in northern Wisconsin small towns where there were no arcades around. Occasionally a bar would have a pinball machine and eventually you'd hear "waq-waq" of Pac Man, but I wasn't likely to be playing any of those games in bars. So, Pong was a Big Deal.

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I'd like to pause a moment in this train of thought to focus on Dad's gadgets. Pong was one of his biggest hits with the kids. We also had one of the first microwaves in town. It was mammoth! It took up the entire counter space in one portion of the kitchen. One of our favorites was watching the marshmallow blow up to at least twice its original size. It sat on half a graham cracker. We'd quickly slide it out of it's electron bombarding cave and stick a Hershey square and second cracker on top for instant s'mores. I'd wait a bit for the chocolate to melt, squish it down, and then as the deflated mallow oozed over the edges, I'd wrap the stickiness 'round and 'round. My superpower is being able to actually taste something I know when it's described to me. I can smell and taste them now and they are delish! Occasionally we saw what happens when you put Mom's fine china with the hand painted silver trim (real silver) in the microwave! Oopsies. Not only did sparks fly inside the machine, but I swear I could see sparks as Mom wasn't too happy to see the silver edging bubble up and break off on her best plates (sorry, Mom).

My next favorite "Dad gadget" was a Texas Instrument home computer...in 1980!!! It really was just a word processor (for individuals whose birth year starts with a "2", think Microsoft word, Apple Pages, or Google Docs), but it was cool! Dad let me give it a go because he really didn't know how it would work, but he thought he'd try it. The "display" screen was only 1 line high and only about 100 characters wide (if that many). You'd have to advance your document back and forth to read and edit. And that was its Achilles heel. The data was saved on a cassette ribbon. Cassette tapes were all the rage for music and TI must have thought this is how the consumer would most likely want to save their data. However, the ribbon magnetizes against the tension wheels. If you've ever lost your favorite song to a machine that ate your cassette tape which you saved up to buy, you know how frustrating that is. Imagine writing a document where all you can see is one line and about 100 characters and have that same machine eat your work for lunch. Was it cool? Absolutely!

You could always count on Dad searching for the next smaller 35mm camera with zoom (pixels didn't exist). He settled on one for a while that fit in his ever-present upper left pocket of his pocket T-shirts. After all the years hauling the old boxie 35mm with various lenses (he had those, too), he loved the high quality of the "mini" cameras. Take that same purchasing habit and logic and apply it to smaller binoculars, scopes, competition rifles, TVs, and record players, you'll see what I mean when I say that in marketing terms, Dad was an innovator. But back to gold stars.

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Now we live in the world of video games. They're everywhere, although I'd like to see a few games that hold a greater purpose than simply feeding a virtual farm or saving some distant planet from creatures designed from my nightmares. When my oldest son told me he wanted to become a game designer (and he has), I asked if he could at least design games that are educational so they hold some purpose? I'm still waiting for a response on that question. I have no idea what he does at the world's largest video game company; I just know he's good at it. So gold star to him.

What's with the gold stars? You'll hear that phrase from me if you spend any measurable time around me. My mom balanced her checkbook within 30 minutes: gold star for you, mom. Heck, the fact that she balanced her checkbook at all or that she even has a checkbook rather than just looking up her balance in an app deserves at least one more gold star. In preparation of an upcoming road trip of over 5000 miles, I figured out how to stuff 10 pounds of sh#% in a 5 pound sack...gold star to me.

Gold stars. It's amazing what we will do to earn a virtual gold star in video games. I used to be hooked on a mahjong game. 1 gold star if you finish the board without reshuffling, 1 gold star if you finish in the time allotted, and 1 gold star just for finishing it. That means each board has a capacity of 3 gold stars! Three! If I ended up shuffling or ran out of time, I just had to replay that board until I earned all three gold stars (competitive much?). I could earn other gold stars for accomplishing other milestones as well such as finishing a board in less than a minute. For every 100 or 500 and now 1000 boards I would earn a single, solitary gold star for that milestone. Really? A thousand boards and I get just one gold star? My game developer son can explain the psychology behind when gold stars are delivered and how it helps keep the player in their game and possibly spending real dollars. In other words, they were manipulating me, successfully I might add, but at least I now know they were doing it.

I am no longer addicted to the virtual gold stars because I decided to apply the gold star strategy (without the manipulation) in my real life.

I figured out how to get all those pomegranate seeds out of their home without making a holy mess: gold star to me. I fixed the edging on my aunt's ancient rag rug with some pretty modern-day yarn to dress it up: gold star. Mom was able to get her legs in the car unassisted: gold star to her. By altering her diet just a little and monitoring results, I was able to help mom lower her average sugar levels and stop taking certain meds: gold star for both of us. My brother took a stand on his personal time and work stress and is now employed elsewhere: that's an automatic level-up. Others around him, like myself, now enjoy the level up in his life as he is now more accessible. I think I'll award him another gold star just for that.

Gold stars are affirmation that, at least for the moment, "you done good." Gold stars are especially important when what was accomplished is small and simple. It's those baby steps and little victories that can easily go unnoticed yet are so important for our forward progression towards finding joy. Gold stars keep me playing the game of life with enthusiasm. Indeed, sometimes my day can be so crowded and stressed that the only "joy" I find is my whisper "I get a gold star" to myself over something that might invite me to anger, outburst, or loss of patience. If I stay patient, I definitely give myself a gold star.

It's silly, I know. But is it? If I asked you to list 10 things you don't like about yourself, could you do it easily? What if I asked you to list 10 things you like about yourself? Gold star to you if you can. I've done this exercise and while, being competitive, I managed to fill in the 10 vacancies in the "I like me" column, they were pretty lame and fairly unbelievable. However, those 10 dents and dings of my personality literally flew out of my pen and adhered with indelible ink onto the page. If you're like me, it's easy to overlook the simple pleasures and victories alongside the dents that make you, well, you.

Gold stars help me live in the moment. When I'm playing a video game, I know there's some poisoned mushroom, or quick sand or locked door lying in wait for me and it's up to me to figure out how to advance and conquer the moment. I find if I apply that attitude in my real world, I see/feel my success (I may not be more successful than before, but at least I can see/feel it). For example, if I put on Google maps and suddenly learn about the impending delay ahead, "Would I like to take the alternate route?" Yes. Yes, I would. Thank you, Google and gold star to me. When I cooked up some homemade chicken soup with the last of the bone broth and rotisserie chicken, I realized I made way too much. No, I didn't. The gentleman down the hall was knocked over by the Minnesota prairie wind (yes! blown over in 50+ mph frigid wind) and could use some chicken soup about now: there's another gold star for me!

Just like in the virtual world, once I get enough gold stars, I get to "level up" in life. At my new level, I now have more experience, more resources to draw on, but I also have more difficult challenges I must face. The gold stars sometimes get pretty hard to find. What might have earned me a gold star earlier, is now an expectation on how to behave. However, I'm hooked on the stars. I gotta have them. I keep looking for ways to earn gold stars. Of course I'm not only the one who receives the stars, but I'm also the one who awards them. That means that I have to agree that the effort is worthy of a star at my current level; that can be a little tricky.

Turns out, once I reached a certain level, the easiest way to earn a gold star is to help someone else earn one. If I can help someone else smile, gold star. If I can help a student comprehend how to graph a complicated rational expression and feel good about it, gold star for me, too. I'll tell them they've earn a gold star and I'll quietly place one in my star bank as well. If it's possible for me to help someone else feel good about themselves...well, I mean. Let's bring on those gold stars.

It's silly. But it works. I love giving out gold stars to others. I've come to realize that our world doesn't compliment one another enough. There's so much that people do well. My life is surrounded with people with exquisite talent. Many times we simply watch and might even benefit from their efforts, but do we compliment them? We might say thank you, but what about a compliment? “You are so good at that.” “Well done; beautiful.” "I really like your earrings." "You are so fast at the register." "This is delicious." "I can tell you've lost weight. You look great." "You did a great job at the meeting yesterday. Thank you for keeping us on track." Each one of these compliments could easily be followed with "gold star for you." In fact, when I practice complimenting someone, I might actually say those words out loud or even just say, "Gold star for you." When I do, I usually get a smile from the recipient. Bingo! Gold star to me.

I never really played that many video games (I'm more of a card player, really). I think I know I'd fall down that rabbit hole so far, I might never see the light of day. I once played a game on my phone to level 3000 (!!) before I recognized it will never end and I'm just wasting my life. Gold star to me for deleting that game off my phone and filing a restraining order against it ever appearing again. I asked my son why did that one game have such a hold on me, "Gee, mom, let's see. It's a fast-pace game where you turn chaos into order and earn quick rewards (like gold stars) to feed your habit to continue." Dang, I hate being boxed, labeled and so predictable. For that reason alone, I threw it away. Life's too short and those gold stars are hollow.

Instead, I'll continue playing the game of life. It's the hardest game out there and there's no re-spawning when the bad guy wins. You can't return this game or wait for the developers to "fix bugs" in the new release.

In the reality game of your life, it might be "single player," but you have a world of resources and NPCs available to guide or mislead you. As the wood-carving trinket on my dresser proclaims, it's up to me to "blossom where God plants you." If I see you along the way, be sure to ask for some stars; I hand them out freely for all those who ask. Luckily, I know I don't have to play this game alone and I know I would never finish if I tried. So, I'll keep a watchful heart searching for those gold stars. As I find them, I hope they eventually level me up enough for the big prize at the end.

God bless and good wanderings.